Celtic Illumination, part 21, George Bernard Shaw, Debrett’s and the Gaeltacht

It has been suggested that my title and lineage should be published in Debrett’s guide, and for those suggesting such action I would remind you that Debrett’s guide is for the British aristocracy, I am Irish.  I may be the King of Ireland but I am first and foremost an Irishman, therefore I consider myself to be equal to all other men, and women.  As for Debrett’s, I find the British class system to be one of the most evil and poisonous social structures in existence. George Bernard Shaw, a fellow Irishman and some say Master Candle Maker too, once said “It is impossible for one Englishman to open his mouth without making some other Englishman hate or despise him.”

As King of Ireland it is my duty to lead my people, from the front, by example. And should you, reading this, a prospective apprentice Master Candle Maker feel the same, then I have to congratulate you on having sufficient moral fibre to form the base from which you can only grow.

You should by now be aware of the huge cross section of skills you should have to become a Master Candle Maker.  These of course should be acquired as early in life as possible, but it’s never too late.  Only now looking back can I see the enormous lengths to which people went to ensure I received the appropriate training.  For example my father was the headmaster of the biggest primary school in Belfast and so enjoyed longer than average holidays.  For their summer vacation my mother and father would go to Tenerife for a couple of weeks.

My sister and myself were told that it would be too warm for us, and how nice of them to be so caring about us.  I would be sent to a Gaeltacht, which for those of you who don’t know is an area in Ireland where only the Irish language is spoken.  Here I was lectured on Irish poetry, literature and Irish dancing.  For boys like myself the main interest was of course girls who we didn’t see all year long.  We would fall in love on a daily basis but again this was carefully structured training for when I would be King and highly desirable to many people especially women of the female variety.