Now that you are aware that I am the King of Ireland, I would
ask you not to treat me any differently than you would any normal Master Candle
Maker. Many of you are still interested
in my training and even my birth, which has been copied by many religions
throughout the world and I suppose the closest would be the Tibetans.
Like the Tibetian monks there is a closed and secretive body
whose only function in life is to watch for signs that a new master Candle
Maker shall be born, quite like the three wise men and the star. The sooner a prospective Master Candle Maker
can be found, the sooner his, or her, training can begin. It would appear that my mother new that I was
to become perhaps the greatest Master Candle Maker ever, but it wouldn’t be
known until the moment of my birth that I would be a Royal Master Candle Maker.
The secretive group who find, protect and train prospective
Master Candle Makers are very similar to Masons from Masonic Lodges, but much
more secretive and more disciplined as each member must be willing to die for
their cause, so it’s a lot more serious than getting together once a week for a
pint of gin and a funny handshake. It
was an Irishman who was the first Dali Lama, his mantra was ‘Power to the
people’. That is why even today in his
memory the name of the discipline that transfers the mindstream to the intended
body, is known as phowa.
As you would expect if there is a dedicated group of people
searching for prospective Master Candle Makers and then enabling them, as with
all things in life, there is balance and there exists a group of very bad men
who would want to stop Master Candle Makers entering their training. This is why the secretive world of candle
making is so violent. You may snigger
and think I am being a little farfetched.
How many of you remember the 1980’s and the most violent city in the
world, yes, Glasgow and the ice cream wars!
To this end my mother left her small rural village before the
physical changes appeared that would alert anyone to her pregnancy. She went to Belfast where she was cared for
by a covert group of kamikaze nuns. At
the moment of birth it was noticed that I had six fingers on my left hand and I
was subsequently given to the nuns to begin my training as a Master Candle Maker
and future King of Ireland. My mother
returned to her village, claiming that she had successfully completed her secretarial
course and opened a flower shop.
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