I am sure that some of you are madly jealous at
my meteoric rise through the ranks in the world of learning disabilities. It’s only human nature, so don’t feel bad
about yourselves. And I know that being
such a handsome fellow with the loveliest legs in all of Ireland will upset
some of your too, but once again, I would say please don’t be jealous. If it were not for humble people like me,
hugely talented geniuses, blessed with good looks, wit and an abundance of
charm you would not be able to see how grey and humdrum your own lives are. But the one thing you must remember is that
perfection like me just doesn’t happen; there was a purpose for me, a top dog in
the world of the alpha male. Don’t forget
that behind every position I held was a purpose and that reason came from the
double top secret cabal who were preparing me to take back the throne of
Ireland.
I am sure that someone connected to, or
actually a member of, the double top secret cabal became aware of the state of
learning disabilities, not just in Liverpool and Manchester but throughout the
country and realised that they were in a position to do something about it. NWCS really were the worst company in the
North West of England; however, many companies were on a par with them. Despite the fact that the company was
lurching to one side, badly, they still wanted to increase their business. I honestly do not know how the company
survived because the one key skill, that everyone seemed to have an abundance
of was incompetence. From feeling
despondent with having far too many problems to address I was now, ‘firing on
all cylinders.’
It wasn’t easy and unfortunately having proved
that I was capable and not afraid of a calculator, more work was diverted my
way. Delia called me in and showed me an
advert in a newspaper. Social services were
advertising for contract bids for three houses where fifteen people were being
supported to live in the community. I was told
to prepare a bid for the contracts. What
they were not aware of was that I had a copy of Richard’s formula for
submitting contract bids so was able to sit down and work the whole thing out. I knew that Richard was a very good accountant
so had confidence in his formula.
Normally people would underestimate contract bids and six months after
winning the contract realise that they hadn’t calculated something like holidays
or sickness absence into their final bid.
There was no going back and money would have to be juggled from one
account to another.
The most valuable people or contract to get was
of course the violent types. People like
the poor fellow in Liverpool who needed three people with him at all times
would find himself, as we had, on a one to one ratio, this is how they made
their money. But sometimes contracts
were simply handed over, no questions asked, no bids submitted. One day out of the blue Delia tells me that a
new fellow will be arriving at one of my houses where there is a spare
bedroom. Normally there would be a sort
of process that people would follow.
Meetings would be arranged, an attempt would be made to relocate the
person into an area where they had been born or had family, usually lip
service. The person would be introduced
to their team which would be recruited and built up. Time would be spent with the person in the
area familiarising them with the surrounds.
This time I was told that the fellow was coming
straight from Calderstones and was settling in to the house. There were no files, no history, here he is, and
he is now your responsibility. Two elderly
gentlemen lived in the house and it would be difficult to accurately describe
their relationship. They enjoyed having
sex with each other, but I wouldn’t say they were lovers, or even homosexuals
for that matter. They had been having
sex with each other ever since they had met in the asylum they had been locked up
in. They had sex with each other because
there was no one else to have sex with.
There was always lots of inappropriate touching and feeling going on
when I would visit and you soon got used to it, like having a wasp at a
picnic. How the new fellow would fit in
to all of this was anyone’s guess.
I arrived at the house and with the team leader
met the new fellow and a social worker.
I was told that the files were in the system and should arrive within
the next day or two. The social worker
claimed not to know much about the fellow, he was acting as a sort of escort
for the day. The only thing we had to go
on was his list of medication and neither myself nor the team leader liked what
we saw. The guy himself was fine, a nice,
well-presented, twenty five year old. He
was a bit shy but in order to cater for the two old men who lived in the house
most of the staff were elderly women who acted like mothers to the guys. I contacted Delia and told her that I was not
happy, I was told to get on with it, I didn’t know what I was talking about.
It was the following day that I was contacted
and asked to drive across Manchester at high speed. The new fellow had freaked out when inappropriately
touched by one of the old guys. The staff
were barricaded in the kitchen, with the two old guys, while the new fellow,
the one with the carving knife was freaking out in the hallway. I arrived at the house about twenty seconds
after the police. About six policemen gathered
at the gate of the house and I came to stand beside them. I introduced myself and was surprised to be told
that it was my problem. At the moment this
was private property and they had no right to enter the premises. I would have to go to the main door of the house,
entice the fellow with the carving knife out and when they could see him attack
me they would intervene.
I know, that’s exactly what I was thinking. I would see that all of the coppers were
taller than me, they all had body armour, truncheons, CS gas and training for
such events. I encouraged the loveliest legs in Ireland to carry me forward towards
the main door. The guy saw me and
decided to come out and meet me.
Unfortunately he did not open the door and step out onto the front
porch. It would appear that he had
forgotten how to use a door handle and made his attempted exit of the property
look more like Jack Nicholson coming through that bathroom door in the film, ‘The
Shining.’ I was desperately telling
myself to think positively, to transmit the thoughts that I wasn’t here to hurt
him; I was there to be his friend, to help him.
It was also getting more difficult to believe that a person in a frenzy
could not focus on one specific target as he seemed to be making a good job of
the front door.
I didn't mind him attacking the front door, I
could always get another one, but I knew it was draining the energy from
him. The front hall looked as if Jackson
Pollock had been let loose with some red paint and a brush. I wondered about the best way to handle him
when he eventually came out, it would all of course depend on how he chose to
attack me. Whatever way he came at me he
was going on the deck until I could get the knife away from him. It was in those few seconds as I waited for
him that you really do begin to consider if you have made the correct career
choice. However I didn’t have very long
to consider my options as he managed to get the front door open and charge at me. Luckily he had tired himself out a fair bit
and having to negotiate some steps couldn’t concentrate fully on me which
allowed me to move in and catch him.
Basically I grabbed his wrists, put one leg
behind his and pushed him over. Thankfully
the police were on us within seconds and I was pulled back to safety. The poor guy was now handcuffed and taken to
the waiting police van. We needed to get
him sedated and taken back to Calderstones.
People now wanted someone to blame but I had more important things to deal
with. The elderly female staff were really
shocked, they had never seen anything like it.
The police packed up and moved off.
The two old guys enjoyed the diversion and I asked the team leader to
see about getting the hallways redecorated and the front door replaced. Delia wanted to see me to hear first-hand
what had happened. It didn’t appear that
she wanted to complete a report or complain to Calderstones but gossip with her
mates about what had happened at work.
Having debriefed Delia on what had happened I
gave her the proposal I had worked out for the three houses she had asked me to
bid for. I was secretly pleased as I
knew the figure was perfect, there would be no need to worry later in the year if
there had been enough money in the contact for us to see it comfortably
through. She worked her way through the
set of papers I had given her and then announced that I was asking far too
much. She reduced the whole bid I had calculated
by thirty five thousand pounds. There
was neither rhyme nor reason behind her decision; it just looked the correct
figure now. I tried to reason with her explaining
that her bid would see us short later in the year but she wouldn’t have it, she
knew what she was doing, she had been in learning disabilities for a lot longer
than me. So how wonderful, not only was
I sorting out a mountain of problems that existed now at NWCS I was helping
create more down the line. Ah well, at
least I could see that there would always be work for me to do.
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